Friday, June 20, 2014

Signs you have been single too long

Some people are gifted for singleness, and some are not.  For the latter, these are the signs that you have potentially violated the prohibition of what the Westminster Larger Catechism calls, "undue delay of marriage." (Q.139)

10. Westminster Larger Catechism 139 makes you question your dating paradigm.

 9. "Single" has been you're Facebook status since Bush was president.

 8. Your family has offered to sign you up for eHarmony. (You're still praying about it.)

 7. You still believe you can make "fetch" happen.  (You actually knowing what this means constitutes a warning sign.)

 6. "Living on a Prayer" causes you tear up while playing Rock Band alone.

 5. The Lake House stops being a guilty pleasure movie.

 4. Female members of your family seriously question you which victorian heroine is your ideal woman.

 3. You are fascinated by the adaptation of Jane Austen in new media. (Again, you knowing what this means should send out a big red flag.)

 2. You've intentionally made suspicious remarks at the airport hoping for a patdown.

 1. You actually spent time reading a list of warning signs you might be single too long.

Please do not comment on the condition of the one who actually wrote the list.  I've already made the joke to myself.

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